eight months in heaven

tomorrow my mother will be in heaven for eight months and lately Iam finding myself missing her more and more as each day passes. I often wonder why did this have to happen to me and my family, and we may never know the answer to that question and that is one question that we all have asked more than once. I look at my children and I often wonder does my mother check in on them from time to time and Iam postive that she does. She would not miss these two kids growing up. When I was pregnant with Brandon my mother made sure that he knew who she was and that she loved him so much she would see him on a daily basis and not a day went by that she did not see him even if it was for a half of an hour. She would of not had it any other way and it melted her heart the first time that he said mom-mom and I know for a fact that he has not forgotten who she is and he will take this picture that was taken when he was 13 months old off of my end table and just look at her and he will say mom-mom. He was the apple of my mother's eye.

Than shortly after that photo session at the picture people I found out that I was pregnant with baby number two and I was very upset over that and that was the last thing that I needed that time in my life , Micah and I had some financial issues and we had just moved in with my folks and I find out that Iam pregnant and shortly after all of this I had a threatned miscarriage eleven weeks into the pregnancy and my attitude quickly changed about this baby that was growing inside me .God spoke to me and said I have gave you a gift I know that she was not planned by you but she was by me and you will find out why later. So a few weeks passed and I lost my job and than the rest of my world came crashing down my mom was diganosed with terminal liver and brain cancer . I knew than why I became pregnant with haleigh and that was so once again I could be strong for my mom and the rest of my family as I had done before. There were many times that my mom would tell me that she was scared and she knew that things were going to be diffrent than the previous time. I would tell her that everything was going to be o.k. no matter what way it turned out and I really wanted mom to be there in the physical state when I gave birth to my baby girl but that was not god's plan instead she was there in the spritital state and Kim and I both felt her presence in that operating room.

I often feel her around me and I often wonder what is mom doing in heaven? I hope that she is floating around in a pool she would do that daily and I also hope that she is eating Crab's and drinking her Pina Colada's and watching down on all of us.

Well I am emotionally exhausted so Iam going to call it a night and until I write again God Bless all my friends and family and for those of you that knew my mother you have a extra Angel looking out for you just like my family does.

Love you all, Tracey